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Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
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10:33 pm - The chaos of this life, vis a vis, August begins
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I'm currently experiencing quite a few of near-crisis level situations. Thus I'm trying to figure things out, sort them out, and find a means of getting out of here. Remaining will probably mean being here forever, if not my complete ruination. I'm not sure how much time is left before my mother loses everything. She's relying more and more on me to pay things, and it's not possible. I don't make that kind of money. I do live in her house, but she's used my credit so far as to get me in unimaginable debt. I'm trying to pay that, but it's crushing. If she ends up moving back up here, I don't know what I'll do. But I don't know if that'll happen. If she doesn't, she's in dire straights as it is, and she might be worse off than she imagines. I can't trust that the house won't be foreclosed on in the next couple months or so. I'm really not trusting anymore. She let my car insurance lapse without telling me. We were all on the same policy. I'm currently weighed down by both my own expenses and what she's done to me, as well as her outlying expenses of taking care of things here. I just don't make enough.
I would like to move, and before I lose all my savings to just struggling here. They'll dwindle away at this rate, and then I'll be nowhere. I can't even afford to move out in this town, but I need to find someplace elsewhere. I need to find a job that pays well enough, $1600 or more a month, so I can maintain all the bills thanks to my mother and live at least with food. Yeah. I'm asking to have food. Very excessive living conditions. Unfortunately, that in of itself is extremely expensive these days.
I'd like to find a job and a place to live in the next month or two. I need to before I haven't an option. I'd not last on savings here locally, and the job market sucks. Perhaps I can find someplace in Colorado or Washington state. I'd like to live in the Evergreen area if possible, or Colorado Springs in Colorado. My Washington pick would be Spokane.
If anyone on my LJ friends list can help me with this, offering suggestions of places to live in the areas mentioned and/or jobs, I'd appreciate it. I am currently working at the local newspaper, and if I can handle that, I imagine I could handle it somewhere else. I'm doing the layout, as well as a myriad of other things. I suppose I could write if I had to. I've just not done journalism before. I truly do need to find something somewhere and get out of here. I can't give the full details, but things are degrading rapidly. I don't have people here I can go live with. Not really. I can't afford on my current wages to survive on my own here. Yet if the house is gone, I will have to. Then my savings will vanish rather quickly. I'll need to increase my income quickly to compensate. Hopefully a similar job elsewhere would offer better pay. I would be wiling to do other things as well. As long as it pays well and I can qualify.
I appreciate any help anyone can give me. I go to eat a TV dinner now. 4 for a $5 here at the store. I don't eat expensive, no. Man, can things slide downhill fast. I just have to figure things out before I'm at the bottom.
Thanks everyone...
current mood:  over
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| Friday, July 25th, 2008
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7:52 pm - So I went to Colorado for the Fourth
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| Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
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11:56 pm - Scenic routes in Colorado
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I'm just posting a quick entry to let people know I'll be away for the weekend. The first vacation, of a sort, I'll have had since starting this new job. I feel I need to get away from things. Whether or not I can afford it, I just need it. I've got most stuff prepared and hope to get off work early enough tomorrow to leave during daylight in the afternoon. He's a brief summary of my travel itinerary;
-Leaving on Friday afternoon, hopefully getting off work early enough, drive up through Trinidad, stopping at Walmart to get supplies, and then on to Bear Lake on the Highway of Legends, finding a campground.
-Then the next day, leaving there in the morning, going to Colorado Springs, taking a back way up on 165, I think it is, to Lake Isabel and then on and around and through mountain roads until I come around to Eco Lake and camp for the night.
-Get up Sunday, heading into Denver, going to the zoo and then http://www.rockymountainfurcon.org/2008/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=12&Itemid=78
I really hope that's possible.
-Then go back to those or some other campgrounds outside of Denver in the mountains.
Monday, meet with a friend in Aurora if possible. He's going to be gone for the weekend for his sister's wedding, I think it was.
-But he should be back Monday. I'm trying to work that out with him. Then head on home, straight away, maybe having time to take some side-routes again, if time permits.
- Likely I'll need hurry as Denver is 6 hours from home. If I have time to stop in Colorado Springs, I'll see a movie. None of the movies I want to see have come to town here.
That's about it. I probably left some stuff out. I just haven't time to type or think about it all. I need to get some sleep. I hope everyone has a good weekend. *Slinks off tiredly to bed.*
current mood:  optimistic
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| Monday, April 28th, 2008
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8:36 pm - First day blues
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It's been an experience. 7AM-5:20PM with a staff meeting at lunch. I feel it's all very overwhelming. I don't know how I'll ever learn it all. InDesign isn't easy for someone just introduced to it, and there's a way they do everything at the paper. From the initial decisions on how many pages it'll be to laying it all out and figuring out which ads will go on which pages and where, how you'll fit in the stories, setting headings, fonts, letting, borders, images, resizing to fit in fields, column width, etc. And I'll have to learn to bundle and label the packs of papers, taking them to the post office. I helped(help being a subjective word considering I was pretty daft) with some of that today. I suppose .01% might be accurate. I did try though. ;)
My brain is just overloaded. I've a headache that's lasted since yesterday, and it's just worse tonight. I've taken stuff for it, but it's not going away. Dinner is a TV dinner, and I'll be in bed soon. I doubt I'll be on AIM for long. I hope everyone is doing well and apologize for not keeping up with your journals.
I have work still to do for my previous boss this Saturday. He wants me to finish painting cabinets in the kitchen of the house he's flipping this Saturday. I'll also have to work some Sundays, as the paper's staff rotates for that job in order to get the last minute changes made before sending the final copy to the printers before it comes out on Monday. I imagine I'm going to be very busy. Today was a lot, and I just hope I can get the hang of things before I freak out. Yes, I'm a bit stressed by all this.
Off to get dinner. Thanks for all the comments to the previous entry. I'm not sure what kind of design layout they use. Pretty much just basic stuff, I suppose, as it's a small paper. But being responsible for how everything goes together isn't going to be easy. *Finally goes to fetch the TV dinner.*
current mood:  tired
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| Thursday, February 21st, 2008
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1:31 pm - What next in the world?
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I'm beginning to think that religion is the root of hatred, arrogance, war, death, and strife in our world. Serbians are uprising over the secession of Kosovo. They are upset because it's their spiritual heartland. Hadn't they been told those Serbians living there could continue living there with no restrictions? This isn't supposed to be another Israel/Palestine situation, but let's just watch and see. Their 'peaceful' protest has become exceptionally violent. I wonder now what Bush will do. He has our military spread so thin already, fighting an idiotic war in Iraq that's done nothing to help our cause, which was supposedly to get rid of Al Queda. I can imagine he'll send troops to Kosovo now as they attacked our embassy. That's attacking US soil, so we'll see.
This is not profiting anyone. It's absurd to riot over what was a peaceful secession so far. Kosovo has been all but removed from Serbia for years now. I don't see why the Albanians shouldn't be allowed to do this. I suppose the Russians and Chinese have their reasons for supporting Serbia. They likely enjoy the sight of the riot.
I do hope things calm down. Serbia needs to just let it go. The population is primarily Albanian. They aren't ousting all of the Serbians living there. They don't seem to be persecuting them. On the contrary, it seems the persecutors are Serbian. But this is a select few. It's always the fanatics that cause issues.
As I said, let's see what happens.
current mood:  annoyed
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| Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
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8:35 pm - On the Primaries - I voted
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Actually, I voted early. Today was the first day of early voting here in Texas, and I voted at the courthouse. I voted for Obama. I do hope he makes it to be president. I don't trust Hillary. She hides things in her policies, leaving things unspoken, and her staff can't answer questions regarding these things. I won't go into all of that now. I'm sure everyone has their opinions, and I'm not asking for them here. So please, if you have one, keep it to yourself, or at least your LJ or blog or whatever you use to post about stuff. I think Obama will make a better president, and that's that. I hope everyone will go out to the polls and vote this year. The primaries are usually overlooked. It's a sad fact of America. People complain about the entire political situation but how many actually do anything about it? I think it's good to vote, and I see no reason not to. It may be like playing the lottery, but at least you get to have a feeling you have control of something in life. And hey, 8 years ago I was a Republican. I voted for Bush his first term. We live, we learn. I don't particularly dislike McCain. He seems to be a good man with strong ideals. I just don't agree with him on everything. I don't agree with Obama either. I do agree with Obama more. There. I vote for the person I think is best. I don't vote based on parties. That's fanaticism. Voting based not on ideals but on who's on who's team seems too American though. Voting for a person based on their merits alone is the best way to go about it. True, you never truly know a person based on what you read or what the media tells you, but at least you can try. With that being said,
There's a whole lot more going on in my life, and I haven't kept up on it here. I don't know that I'll really go into things. I'm usually fairly private and compartmentalize my life. I suppose I'm trying not to think about things right now and just paying attention to what can distract me for the moment. Otherwise, this entry might be more substantial than a simple notification that I voted. Whoo, yay for me. At least I feel I did something worthwhile this month. It's better than nothing.
current mood:  indescribable
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| Sunday, February 10th, 2008
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2:26 am - It's The Fear
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My new theme song...it would seem.
It Waits for the day, I will let it out
To Give it a reason, to give it its might
I fear who I am becoming,
I feel that I am losing the struggle within
I can no longer restrain it,
My strength, it is fading
I have to give in
It's the fear,
The fear of the dark
Its growing inside of me
They won, they will come to life
Have to save,
Save my beloved,
There is no escape
Because my fate is horror and doom
Hold down your head now,
Just let me pass by
Don't feed my fear,
If you don't want it out
I fear who I am becoming,
I feel that I'm losing all beauty within
I can no longer restrain it,
My strength, it is fading
I have to give in
It's the fear,
The fear of the dark
Its growing inside of me
They won, they will come to life
Have to save,
Save my beloved,
There is no escape
Because my fate is horror and doom
Long ago, it came to me
and ever since that day,
Infected with it's rage
But it ends today
It's the fear,
The fear of the dark
Its growing inside of me
They won, they will come to life
Have to save,
Save my beloved,
There is no escape
Because my fate is horror and doom
Within Temptation - It's The Fear
current mood: lost...
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| Monday, January 7th, 2008
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7:27 pm - The Good, The Bad, And The Snowy
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| Monday, December 31st, 2007
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1:05 pm - A tyger's adventure in coming to Texas
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I'm sorry for not being around much lately. This month as well as the last have been considerably busy, and lately I've been preparing for the arrival of the tyger we all know and love, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) cwtyger. With Christmas cards and Christmas mixed in with this it was quite a fiasco trying to get it all to come together. LJs and email kind of fell to the wayside. That being said, come the 27th I drove to Amarillo through snow and ice(it truly was snowing with ice on the roads here in town and the 12 or so miles between here and Hartly, then just snow between there and Amarillo), and prepared to get up the next morning to pick up CW at the airport. Unfortunately, in the process leading up to his arrival I'd managed to catch a bug. I came down with this nasty invader that night and went to bed very early for me, around 10PM. My phone rang, stirring me from sleep at 11:51, but I barely managed to pull myself from sleep to see that I didn't recognize the number. Then it was gone. Blinking blearily, I wondered if it could've been the tyger. A few minutes later I heard the beep denoting a voicemail. I checked it to find that "Something terrible" had happened and he would be delayed a full day before arriving. I could not do anything at the moment as my mother, who I was staying with, was asleep, and the computer needed some fast virus and spyware scanning before I'd even attempt to sign into anything. Besides, it makes a lot of noise, the thing sounds like it's coming apart when you first start it up, and I didn't want to wake her. I went back to sleep, or at least tried to. It isn't easy to sleep when you're worried. The next day I called Radar, as the email I finally checked told me to do, and she filled me in on the details. CW had left his passport behind in Revelstoke and would have it to take the same flight the next evening. All was well and good, and I could have a day to rest and get over whatever I had caught...
So we thought. Greyhound, which he'd taken from Revelstoke to Kelowna failed to get his passport to him before their office closed that day, and they wouldn't open up to let him retrieve it. So another day's delay later, and a second night in a hotel for him, and further email correspondence between he, Radar, and myself, and he arrived on Sunday the 30th, two days past his original arrival date, exhausted. I was not much better off with my cold, and so we didn't waste much time getting our stuff together and heading to Dalhart. He was dozing the whole way, and when we got to my house, I was barely able to show him the room he was to stay in and he was asleep. I unloaded the rest of the stuff from my Jeep and went to get some sleep myself, but I only managed to get an hour. Trouble breathing through my nose was vexing. CW and I didn't do much that night, ate canned chicken noodle soup, and watched some Nick At Night. I finally persuaded him to let me get some rest, he was playing with Murky(my cat), and I took some Zicam before going right to sleep. It was 11:30. I did not get up until after noon. I think he's still asleep, but then I don't know when he went to bed.
I had XP defragmenting last night, and come 6AM when I woke to find it done with drive C, I rebooted. It made me re-activate Windows due to 'significant hardware changes since original activation'. Therefore, defragmenting your hard drive is considered a significant hardware change. :P I managed to get XP happy again and left the computer to try and sleep. Sleep didn't work so well for an hour and a half after that, but when it finally came, I wasn't going to knock it.
I finally got up not long ago, and CW seems to still be asleep. So I will try to do a few things on the computer that I need to and wait for him to awaken.
And here we'd planned to go to Colorado, but the reservations to the hotel are canceled, and unless my health improves and we manage to get everything prepared to go, and I get the reservations I called about yesterday, we're not going to be anywhere. So we'll see what happens.
I'm not sure how much I'll be around during the tyger's visit. I miss you all, but I will do my best not to be completely absent. Take care everyone, and Happy New Year. Also, thank you to all who sent me Christmas cards.
current mood: indescribable
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| Thursday, December 6th, 2007
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9:39 pm - Christmas is not the season...
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I normally am in a cheery mood this time of year, prepping cards, reading friend's journals, updating addresses to send said cards, buying gifts, and just all around doing okay. This year is not so much like that. There's a lot going on that I won't go into detail on right here. One sometimes learns that life's petty problems are nothing, and true stress is 5 times that of any stress they thought was stressful, and a heart attack at 25 is very nearly possible. I don't know if I'll get caught up with anyone's LJs this month, already being a month behind. I haven't forgotten about you. I do care. Last month was NaNo, which I didn't manage to complete, and this month, oy. There's no way to tell it all. I could type all night and still not explain it, and it wouldn't likely make much sense if I tried. Suffice it to say, life is in the gutter, and I'm just trying to keep from flowing down the grate into the sewer. Hectic, frantic, and insane all are fitting terms for life this month so far. I would love to update addresses and at least send cards. I just might not be sending as many, nor as filled out, this year. I usually write letters to everyone in the cards and try and offer some Christmas cheer. This year, it might just be the latter. I will try to catch up with LJs if I can. That's usually the only way I can update addresses. I just wish everyone I knew read my LJ so I could have them notify me of any updates through here. Otherwise, I'm going to have to track them down one by one and find out from them directly. I'm so tired tonight. I'm going to hit the hay early. If I were one to drink, well, at least I hate the taste of alcohol. I don't smoke either. So what can I do to ease the stress? If it snows, you'd better believe I'll be 4-wheeling.
( Jeep rambling behind here )
current mood: Losing my minnnnd!
current music: my chair squeaks as I type, this is sad
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| Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
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12:00 am - Trans Siberian Orchestra
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My older sister got me two tickets for my birthday, but she can't get off work to go. The concert is Wednesday night at 7:30PM in Lubbock, TX. I can't find anyone else to go with, which sucks. So if there's anyone I know well enough to trust who is near enough, let me know. We might be able to work something out. It would be sad to waste the ticket.
current mood:  curious
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| Monday, October 29th, 2007
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11:28 pm - Gone...
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Our ancient cat who has been with us ever since I was 5, but for that one year when my dad had him after my mom divorced him, is gone. He sufferred complete kidney failure tonight and was taken to the vet, a friend of my sister's who was kind enough to go into the clinic at 10PM. There was little that could be done. He could've prolonged his life another day, perhaps, but he would have been drugged up and had no real quality of life. Just lying there. It's still not sinking in. We couldn't let him suffer, and the only option left was to put him down. He sedated him, which he says sometimes is too much for them when they're so sick, but Marmalade kept going. So he...had to put the needle in his heart. The old man just hadn't any veins available. The needle went in, but Marmalade jumped a little, more than the vet expected as he was sedated and shouldn't have been conscious to feel it. He had pulled the needle out in surprise. So he had to insert it again. That was hard to watch. The second time, I guess it made it to his heart. I hate that part. They're alive, and then they aren't. He was a fighter to the end. How he just kept going even when sedated, but that was the end. I was petting him, as was my sister, and I'm not sure when he stopped. He might've gone when the fluid entered his heart. Or he might've lasted a little longer. The poor cat. 19 years. More than that. Ancient. I always thought of Deep Space Nine's Jadzia Dax, "Old Man", when I thought of him. He was immortal. I never really wanted to face that he would one day die.
Marmalade is gone from this world. I can only hope he is happier where he is now, young and healthy and truly immortal. That's the way it should be. May his time there be all the good that it ever was here for always and forever. I imagine he'll make it a less boring realm. That cat, oy, the stories I could tell.
current mood:  discontent
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| Sunday, October 28th, 2007
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8:45 pm - Return to Colorado
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| Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
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8:47 pm - A Colorado Walkabout, or there about
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| Friday, September 7th, 2007
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1:44 pm - Wandering
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I may be out of town this Friday night and part of Saturday. It depends on several variables and at this point looks unlikely, but we shall see. I just wanted to let those who might notice know.
Edit/Update:
So much for those plans. I'm around. Somewhat. Certainly not away. IM me on AIM if you wish. I'll do my best to respond.
Edit again:
I might be going on Saturday. My allergies are bothering me though, so we'll see how I'm feeling come morning. I should really get to bed.
current mood:  exhausted
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| Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
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8:28 pm - Ice Leopard entry 4
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And so I post another entry with chapters of my story. I am sorry it's taken so long. I suppose I've just not had the heart to write lately. I really haven't felt very positive about much. Today is no different, if not worse, but I won't dwell on it. At least I can distract myself for the moment. It's not often I can get myself to be productive when feeling like this. So please enjoy everyone. I hope you like the story so far. As always, comments are welcome.
( Chapters 6, 7, 8, & 9 )
current mood: drained
current music: Rush - Marathon
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| Monday, July 23rd, 2007
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12:12 pm - Related to Transformers?
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I was at work today thinking about the movie and old-school Transformer stuff, trying to remember if there were any of the toys I had which I'd forgotten about. I recalled then a series about Dinosaur Transformers. I think it was from the Transformers franchise, but this was back in the early 90s before Beast Wars. They looked more like Zoids to tell you the truth. Only they transformed into robots. I always loved the T-Rex one, which I think was evil, of course(rex is always evil for some reason), and it was blue. Does anyone remember these? I wish I knew if I had the action figure or if it's just a memory of someone else's. I know a kid brought his to school, and I was drooling. Yeah, yeah. So I loved robots. I just can't remember if I ever actually got one. Man, to look back through my old toys. If I could find all the boxes, perhaps I could find that one. I don't know. If anyone knows anymore about this, please enlighten me. Thanks muchly.
Dino-Saucers was back then...Dino-Riders...and these were something else.
Ah well. I've gotta eat lunch and get back to work. Sorry for not posting more. I should update you all on stuff, but I'm not sure what's of interest really. So I'll leave you for now with the Transformers stuff.
current mood: curious
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| Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
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11:19 pm - Warriors - The New Prophecy
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I've read them at long last, and so I shall mention a few things.
( Spoilers Alert! )
current mood: disappointed
current music: the a/c in my window blowing
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| Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
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10:15 pm - Ice Leopard entry 3
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Another couple chapters are edited and ready to post. I hope those that are reading enjoy them. If you can, give me some feedback. I appreciate it. I'd like to give shout-outs to snowwolfmystic for the inspiration she provided for this story. I never could write about such things so well without her help, even if she doesn't know she provides it. I'd also like to thank cwtyger as he's been the number one source of motivation I've had to write. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't even know about National Novel Writing Month. That's the thing that's gotten me to not only write novels, but to finish one a couple years ago. I hope to finish this one, also. Thanks for the help you guys. Inspiration is a great gift to any artist of any kind.
( Chapters 4 & 5 )
current mood: tired
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| Thursday, May 24th, 2007
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8:55 pm - Ice Leopard entry 2
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I've finally edited another chapter and apologize for the delay. Hopefully I'll manage to get at least one or two posted a week now. At least if interest remains in them. I need motivation, I fear. Do let me know what you think, those who read. I know there are things I need to work on still. Trees in the mountains where they are...would there even be any at that elevation? I considered this already. Still, for now, it is as it is. Enjoy.
( Chapter 3 )
current music: case fans
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accomplished